My first child, Hamish, was born in early 2016. My husband and I were very excited about becoming parents, especially as we had experienced fertility issues and suffered miscarriage.

I had a relatively straightforward pregnancy and when at 38 weeks my labor was induced, I was thrilled to finally realize my dream of becoming a mother. Expecting to feel relieved after Hamish was born, I was shocked to find that I just felt fear. I felt completely overwhelmed and felt that I wasn’t up to the task of being a mother and didn’t deserve my baby if I couldn’t appreciate all I had. I just wanted to wind the clock back.

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